oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
