your thong is hanging out like whoa
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
