Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
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she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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