i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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