fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
