she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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