i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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