uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
