she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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