i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
