he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
