I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
