I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
