it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
