dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
