I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
