I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
