Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
