I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
