Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
