Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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