when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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