I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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