Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
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Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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