they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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