At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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