I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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