Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
