Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
