I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
