i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
