There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
