He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
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You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
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Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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