my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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