I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
