The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
