There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
