Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
