I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
