My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
