I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
