I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
