i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
