I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
