You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
