i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
