wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
