their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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