He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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