the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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