Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
