youre lurking in front of me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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