My first STD was from a foam party
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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