I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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