from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
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