I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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