Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
