Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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