HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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