then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
