I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
