I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
