He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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