Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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