Don't you send me to vm
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
