so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
