I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
