That's intense
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
