I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
