you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
