He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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