Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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