Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
