Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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