Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We had sex on a dog bed..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
