he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
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I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
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Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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