Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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