She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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