I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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