DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
