Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
