Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
